How not to boil over complete idiots and how to communicate with them?

Question

Freelance

Good afternoon.
Let me explain: I myself am rather quick-tempered, but outwardly I learned not to show, not to raise my tone, not to get annoyed, go ahead and with the song, as they say.
According to the specifics of the development, I have to communicate (I am silent about clients - I treat the stupid with understanding there) with "engineers", or rather with those who for some reason decided that he is an "engineer" or "specialist", although his maximum washing floors. at McDonald's.
I understand perfectly well that "everyone is an idiot, but I'm D'Artagnan" and I constantly put myself in their place, as the psychotherapist advised (yes, I visited him), professional deformation, etc.
I understand that we all have different areas of knowledge, and I can also be "stupid",
but I do not go into surgery, stating that I am exaggerating:5 years of experience and "I know better". So, explain normally what a "scalpel" is.
- here it is quite fiercely pissed off.
In general, everything inside is literally boiling and after each such "conversation" you need to smoke for half an hour / go to the gym / go for a run, etc.

I would like to hear advice on how to worry less and what to read on the "psychology of communication."

Answer 1

Once, over a glass of beer, a very successful wedding photographer gave me a lecture on the basics of freelancing. He then told a lot of wisdom and to my surprise, most of his problems turned out to be typical not only for wedding photography. I won’t write much here, but I’ll say that specifically in your case you need to increase your level (skill, qualification, price tag, etc.) the higher your level, the fewer idiots you will have to face. If you think a little, it is quite logical: when you increase your level, you find yourself at such a height where idiots simply physically cannot reach because of their idiocy. And if you cannot rise to the level where there are no idiots, then perhaps you are one of them?

Answer 2

Well, communicate, I'm sure that from their side you look exactly the same

Answer 3

Why are you contacting them?

Answer 4

In general, everything is literally boiling inside and after each such "conversation" you need to smoke for half an hour / go to the gym / go for a run, etc.

It always surprised me how people get burned from communication (especially remote) with inadequate people who are no one to you in principle. Learn discipline, relax. This is your bread, if you communicate only with pleasant and kind dandelions, you will stupidly earn nothing.
In 80% any big client (according to my experience) sucks, and you can't do anything about it, you need to exhale and skim the cream off him at worst, at best - do the job perfectly, without swearing, and get him permanently .
PS: we have a staff of 120 people in the company, one department works on outsourcing - in total, the largest client who has been working with us for 8 years, the most stingy and disgusting, and no one got along with him, except for this department with iron guys. As a result, a lot of money goes into our cash register.

Answer 5

Eat some more of these soft French rolls and drink tea...
Healthy indifference will save you.

Answer 6

The psychologist is right. I wanted to give the same advice. You need to understand the reason: one hemisphere is in the lead - either emotions or reasoning. There is even such a film "Analyze it" (I don't know what, but the title is to the point). From the very beginning it is necessary to analyze the BEHAVIOR of the interlocutor (and not his information). If emotions start, it will be difficult to switch.
Again, the well-known advice helps to switch (get away from emotions): start counting to 10 before answering (even mentally).

Answer 7

For myself, I determined how to work with idiots.
1. Find a hemorrhagic client as early as possible.
2. Don't work with him.
3. If he asks where to turn to give the address of competitors.
As if my inner peace is worth more than any money.
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Uncomfortable clients either usually try to bend for money, or load freebies with extra work, or just assholes with an abnormal psyche killed in childhood.
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And then everything is simple.
I always say to those who want to squeeze something out that I don’t bargain, he’s not comfortable with the price, I’m uncomfortable with its decrease - I don’t like it, you shouldn’t work, find another where it’s cheaper.
Those who are trying to stir up something neatly refuse.
For those who think that they are the smartest and know the best and that it’s nonsense to work for an hour, but they just don’t have time :), I advise you to do everything yourself and send a link to the instructions. And after that, if the client has not merged, if and if I work, then with a coefficient of 2, so as not for nothing hemorrhoids.
For those who start with insults and screams, there is such a category of assholes who try so hard to put themselves higher - I’m just saying that if it starts with this, then you shouldn’t start at all, I’m not comfortable, and now I will only work expensively, badly, strictly on prepayment , without any guarantees. (They either subscribe to this and already behave normally, or that more often they disappear forever)
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One benefit of assholes is no more than 5% of the clientele.
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In general, first with a new client I try to do a small task, if it goes well, I can take on something bigger.
If it’s uncomfortable, then I don’t work for the second time, I send it to competitors, let them suffer.
And during this time I will work better with normal people.
Over time, I will have all the normal ones, and all the assholes will ruin my competitors.
Here is such a strategy.
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And don't get angry and nervous, as soon as such thoughts appear, I remind myself that they don't pay for this, you are not a nanny for overgrown uncles, make it uncomfortable and leave as quickly as possible without wasting time.

Answer 8

I understand you very much, iksperdy around! But somehow you have to save yourself .. and love yourself and your neighbor. And not because of arrogance and malice they are like that, but also often reflective and confused, seeking and finding. We are humans, not machines. We have the ability to tin and burn. Further, it is purely personal:
If it is simple - in others we are annoyed by exactly what we secretly / obviously do not like in ourselves.
If more broadly, please read "Mark Wallin: It did not start with you. How we inherit the negative scenarios of our family and how to stop their influence"
and A. Dolganova "The World of Narcissistic Victim. Relationships in the Context of Modern Neurosis"
and although, at first glance, this is not directly about your situation, but in fact your life will never be the same, I can confidently declare this to you! There you will also find answers to questions - why are they like that .. and why do I treat them this way.

Answer 9

Hm, I don't understand the question. If everything is done according to TK - what are the questions? If it disagrees with TK - "there are no days, but you are learning." A ruble and a kind word is brought up much better than just a kind word.
PS: The meaning of the answer is that it will really become much easier for you if the underexpert receives a karmic pendel, for example, nichrome out of money for work and time. For some, this motivates another time either not to take it, or to learn to do it normally. And it is NECESSARY to punish, otherwise the entropy of brains will grow exponentially.